JUINLI!

#933

2012-01-12T21:35:00.003+08:00

first trip to dempsey was awesome.

to the botanic gardens too.

and the random driving around,

looking at all the atas houses.

one even had a fountain in front of the house.

"filthy rich"

hahahahaha

first time, it felt pretty natural.

tingles in the silly places. hehe

next time, i should remember to take pictures.

cant wait for next week! :]

#932

2012-01-09T00:41:00.002+08:00

and so i may be falling in.

always been capable of making myself like something i want to.

though i kinda feel it shouldn't be this way.

but i believe it's time to try.

let's see what happens.

who knows. it may all be in my mind.

work.

2012-01-02T00:40:00.002+08:00

so on the first day of 2012, i commented on buddy's web asking if they were hiring.

if pay is at least 6, i'm so going for it.

f&b - best way to slim. ;]

need work to fund my bracesssssss.

first ever time in my life i really wanted to get something on my own.

let's see if luck is w me for the year.

new yearrrrrr.

2011-12-31T00:19:00.002+08:00

& so i looked back briefly, and i realised 2011 had been awesome.

not totally awesome but still good enough.

many new things i've never tried before.

many new emotions i've never had before.

understanding myself better,

attempting to be a better daughter, sister, friend, person.

with so many friends around me.

those with me since forever, those that i just made.

precious, indeed.

somethings don't end. :]

now 2012, you've got a long way to go if you wanna beat 2011.

twenty eleven.

2011-12-29T22:26:00.002+08:00

so 2011 is coming to and end.
it's been a blast, definitely.
new things new people new house new findings.

can say i've learnt a bit, but in some matters, it's still not enough.

like trying to accept new surroundings, w/o you.

like facing the fact that i totally flunked A's (accepted it by now)

i've grown. and became childish-er. and remained the same.

it's a complicated thing, with too many areas.

and when it comes to feelings. it's just that one line that i'm too afraid to cross.

too complicated.

life needs to be way simpler.

for 2012. i just want to be happy.

#927

2011-06-30T20:31:00.002+08:00

this is like some forgotten space honestly.

well, some updates!

heading off to SIM, University of Wollongong for a psychology degree.

starting school on 18th july, which is veryvery soon.

classmates with lev for three more years! :]

too many outings these days.

absolutely love my friends!

and my family.

wanted to post pics but cant be bothered since it's on fb anywayssss.

there, i'm done. :]

#927

2011-05-20T02:08:00.002+08:00

every single time i plan sth, i'll be super stressed out.

cause i just want everything to be perfect, in a sense.

and most of the times i'll regret signing up for sucha thing.

but almost everytime, i'll end up planning the next outing.

in the end it boils down to how much those people mean.

and whether or not they're worth it.

today, i decided that some people just ain't worth it.

okay maybe i'm making a mountain outta a molehill.

but w/e lah i'm too irritated already. need to get this out.

if i bother to initiate something. at least bother to respond?

backing out of it last minute is irrtating.

i asked TWO weeks ago.

being so excited about it at the start and then not appearing in the end.

best part is not even bothering to reply,

even after i called. not fb, not even text.

somehow i feel betrayed.

daddy's right. should just leave the planning to other people.

*okay. end of rant*

never, ever again. up to my limit.

#926

2011-05-19T02:45:00.002+08:00

have been leading an ultimate unhealthy lifestyle. sigh.

everyday feels like a sunday heh. that's the only good part.

addicted to playful kiss!! can't wait to see what happens at the end,

though somehow already know the ending!

back to baek seung joo & oh ha ni. :D

#925

2011-05-14T10:13:00.002+08:00

was up doing stuffs in the wee hours today.

when daddy came home, he asked,

"why are you the one doing this? let others do lah!"

w/o hesistation, i replied.

"if everyone thinks this way, then who'll do it?"

but maybe, just maybe, i now know where he's coming from.

#924

2011-05-12T01:55:00.001+08:00

very stupidly went to sing this in kbox just now.

always had been a song that moved me.

now it just affects me a whole lot more.

#923

2011-05-08T23:08:00.002+08:00

while everyone else is celebrating mothers' day, i've been lying in bed for the whole day watching random korean stuffs. not that i don't want to. it's more of idk how to.

since young, my sis and i have been in a sense trained to be independent. with both my parents working, and only my grans and maid to take care of us. i think this kinda affected me a lot cause throughout the years, i've been used to this. and as i grow older, it's even more difficult to let my parents into my life.

all because i'm so used to not having them around.

needless to say, i think i've quite a distant relationship. like in the family i count on my sis more than my parents. which is good and bad i guess.

hard to change something you're already used to.

and yea today's the 8th. it's been half a year. and i still cant get over it.

too difficult. i doubt anyone in the house can. everyone's pretending we're fine.

i do love my family. but it's hard to express it out. it's just.. weird. =/

#922

2011-05-07T04:57:00.002+08:00

the uncle happened to ride into the picture. :]

#921

2011-04-25T06:06:00.002+08:00

been veryveryvery long since i've blogged.

life's pretty much the same nowadays.

anime-crazy-juinli is back, with the break in work,

and esp the no breakthrough in finding work.

well, not like i'm trying =/

still, there's been some random things i got myself into

wingchun for one, and the many weirdness that came along.

oh nightcycling was fun! 22.5km.

but the nightwalk at lower pierce at 12+am was crazy.

not scary but i swear the bridge was never ending.

well, the scenery was WOW.

even at 11+pm it looked like 5+am. amazing.

and my first time to lower pierce reservoir. nice place!

should bring my cam along next week. the view is breathtaking.

clique outings are still as enjoyable. :D

ice-skating was wow. though i shouldn't have worn ankle socks

now both my ankles have something like a cut? idk lah weird.

but still fun. should go again soon lor.

the way the guys skate are so entertaining. and hilarious.

wordywoody post.

pictures, soon. as usual :D

#920

2011-03-10T23:23:00.002+08:00

i know how she feels. bet it's ten times worst.

so we both did badly. well

just hoping i'll have another shot to prove myself at uni,

with a decent course hopefully. =/

had a happy dinner today. :]

not a reason definitely, more of an excuse. lol.

#919

2011-03-08T01:46:00.002+08:00

not in the best of moods. not because of results though.

kay partially cause i'm just so at a loss with a lot of unanswered qns,

which no one around me has the answers to.

actually, just thinking about them is making my head spin.

on the way home today, just looking at the sun i felt some sorta peace within me.

and i was happy. lol. cause i didn't have to think about questions,

which have so many mysteries to them.

i swear i've been so moody these days, my looks could literally kill.

but actually, who knows for sure that i won't be able to get in?

chances are slim, doesn't mean it's impossible. so just gonna apply,

and hope, pray for the best.

and while waiting for applications to get through, i'll start thinking about SIM

and which school i wanna go to.

kay yay i feel happier already. maybe before people start bombarding again.

lol.

#918

2011-02-24T00:13:00.003+08:00

i think i'm starting to turn back to whom i used to be.

you know, the always bouncing and cheerful and happy juinli in phs days,

instead of the always irritated and whiny and basically irritating one in the recent years.

i really wonder how people can stand me. seriously.

but i guess that's what friends are for, right? hahah

maybe it was the strange and unfriendly and dull environment,

but mostly it's because i couldn't let go of sec school.

and while i keep complaining about how i really regret going into aj,

i'm glad i did. somehow.

saw a few sides of me which i hopefully won't ever see again,

and also of others, whom i won't wanna see again.

results in approximately a week,

and it's going to be goodbye aj, for good.

irregardless of what i got.

well, at least i tried my best.

with all the crazy happenings nearing exams,

i'm still quite surprised at me sometimes.

so i've decided to take it easy.

good or bad,

i know what i want.

and i know what to do to achieve it.

no fear. instead, let excitement replace it. :]

#917

2011-02-19T01:06:00.002+08:00

hello! starting one month of scanning work on wednesday!

finally realised the importance of the pay. and yea

succumbed to the temptation.

but i doubt one month of work is enough to fund korea,

so yea shall see how things go. hopefully they'll re-employ me. heh

so life has been mundane, surprisingly more so than that of 2010.

but not complaining cause at least i ain't stuck in that dull building.

totally miss the friends, and acquaintances and canteen vendors

but not motivated enough to plan outings. =/

the whole holiday thing is making me veryveryvery lazy.

but it's okay with me, cause not much time left to enjoy.

maybe i'll use the monday and tuesday to pack up alevel stuff.

since i'm quite certain that no matter what, i'm not gonna go back.

but there's a lot of hard work. so i'm not sure if i'll really throw everything.

oh well. i guess i'll decide again. heh.

decided that from this year onwards, i shall be an organized person.

okay maybe after i move.

can't wait to moveeeeeeee.

off to sleep! super incoherent post. but who cares? :]

#916

2011-02-15T01:09:00.003+08:00

over-packed weekends, a side effect of 5day work week.

been a crazy wkend for me, esp w the cny season.

bascially mj from fri to sun. haha

but great meeting the longlost pri6 schoolmates though

albeit awkward. hahahah

so, i went for the first semi-proper interview today.

dug out all the results sheet i could find in aj and yea

quite ashamed actually =/

well it was more of the person telling me about the jobscope

answer which i prepared for 'tell me about yourself' wasn't needed.

quite sad actually.

results out sooooooooooon. and yes it's still scaring me a lot.

SIGH.

sucks when you know you're borderline

but when everyone else think you can.

oh well. my future's all set anyway

and everyone seems to be amused/amazed.

in actual fact, i am too. :]

#915

2011-02-07T02:52:00.005+08:00

certain stuffs you can only say/do to/with certain people.

fave (recent) pictures of all-time fave people. :]

picture spam in the midnight.

thanks for making my life wonderful. :D

#914

2011-02-01T02:10:00.003+08:00

rainy days always make me so calm

to the extent i over think.

and i start worrying.

and feel alone.

simply amazed by how some read me like a book,

while some never understand.

it's always about quality and not quantity(of time).

i had 18+years with her.

but the time really spent with her was so little.

seven more days, to the third.

life's been great, really.

great fun, great laughs, great outings.

but somehow i still feel empty.

like something's missing. and no matter what i do,

i don't feel right.

sad that i can't say how i'm feeling to anyone.

even the only one whom i could, has left.

never been good at expressing myself

and i doubt that'll change in the near future.

it's crazy. all that runs in my mind in just a mere minute.

it's scary. need some form of outlet, but too lazy to do anything.

overwhelmed.

the darkness always make me like this.

but when it's all bright and sunny,

i'll be bouncing around again.

i hope.

#912

2011-01-22T07:25:00.003+08:00

negotiated a deal w my dad,

gonna have fixed income coming in very soon!

but sis says it's dumb, cause total income didnt increase.

i hope it's his company that's paying me though hahah.

body's in a real bad condition these days.

literally feel everything going haywire and insomnia doesn't help.

weird is spending 2h to get to sleep, and waking up 1h later.

cycle repeats. ):

i think i haven't got over it still, plus too many things in my mind.

everytime i close my eyes i feel bombarded by thoughts.

oh ytd was epic.

couldn't keep my eyes open, but couldn't get to sleep.

too many changes in life recently. hahahah needa adapt soooooon.

USS later woohooo :D

#911

2011-01-10T01:55:00.002+08:00

was reading my archives in search of some dates,

and i realised how short and feeling-based my posts are becoming.

in the past (say, two years back?), my posts were more about events.

now, it's more about how i feel.

reading those posts made me realise the importance of narration,

of elaboration.

cause with time, things change, people change, memories fade.

pictures do get lost as well,

(when you misplace your SD card like what happened to me)

so the safest, fool-proof way, is to let things be posted onto the net.

people say it's dangerous.

i say you just need to QC a lil, and let the net safeguard these for you.

so it's an off-day for me tmr, all thanks to lev :]

sent in an application for MDA.

feeling guilty but i need more moolahhhhhh for braces!

hope it gets through!

been an eventful first week of 2011, which i will (intend to) write about later.

off to bed for now, before my eyes turn any smaller. :D

#910

2011-01-04T23:19:00.002+08:00

happy 2011!

new year resolutions:

be punctual
get car license by aug
get a bicycle by june
cut short hair
get back to 45kg.

i was absolutely shocked when i saw my weight was 47.2

#909

2010-12-31T18:09:00.002+08:00

2010. a year of changes.

i've seen how people changed, how things change,

and how i've changed as well.

but certain things remain the same and boy am i glad.

intially wanted to do a picture post of my year, but well too lazy.

was searching for pics and i realised that it had been an eventful year.

if not for alevels and her, it would have been a happy year.

first year in my life that i felt deserted by teachers, whom we trusted

and whom we thought trusted us. i've alws had a good rapport w my teachers,

till aj. but nevertheless it had been her who taught me how cruel the world is,

how pragmatic and selfish people can be.

so thank you. for making us more independent. but no thanks for what you created.

regardless of everything, life goes on.

that i've learnt, but still hard to accept.

new chapter in my life begins with adult fare tmr. D:

2011, imma make you a good one. :]

#908

2010-12-30T00:24:00.003+08:00

hello! i love my work but it's draining and tiring but nevertheless fun.

different kind of experience which will def. help me in the long run.

his dad agrees. and if i get to ntu he may even be my prof.

lol what a small world.

18. year to build up contacts heh. :D

eggciting past month. fast-paced life.

full and lack of sleep on days. fluctuating mood, with majority of bad.

but anyways life. whole lot better than it had been during the A's.

still veryvery lazy to upload long-dued pictures. but promised to.

and i try to keep them. most of the time.

but some promises can never be fulfilled.

hey i miss you. and you.

and i cant believe they moved you over there. now i really feel as you're gone.

i hope you're happy and safe, wherever you are. you too.

incoherent post. one that i wouldn't even understand a year later.

i hope i won't forget though. lifechanging experiences.

goodnight. :]

#907

2010-12-14T00:38:00.003+08:00

heh i'm so eggcited i wanna tell the whole world.

KL I'M COMING!

okay i know it's just a causeway away,

but woohoo yay to shopping

and yay to firefly!

BEEN YEARSSSS since i've been on a plane.

okay yes it's only a one hour plus ride.

but better than nothing.

and the main reason why i'm so excited cause it's with my family.

my family, aka daddy, mummy and my sis.

heh. this is damn rare okay. i think once in years.

plus it's a last-min decision (decided only in the morn),

so wah feel the rush. i likey. heh.

i think everyone can sense that i'm highhhh. :D

malaysia wo lai leeeeee! :DDDD

#906

2010-12-11T23:22:00.002+08:00

hello world!

other than the random emo moments,

life's absolutely awesome!

many events/outings/gatherings in the past few weeks,

and yet i still had time to finish four diff. shows.

awesome much.

cant wait for 2011!

will upload in details soooooon, with pictures!

ps i realised this is the happiest post thus far. heh :D

#905

2010-12-09T00:57:00.002+08:00

hey it's been a month,

and i really wonder how and where you are,

i wonder if you know what has been happening.

for the past month, i've mainly been caught up with exams.

but the last two weeks had been fun.

a few stayovers here and there. mnet and prom.

i wished you could have seen me in my dress.

you would have liked it as much as i did.

all this time, everything felt the same, and yet different.

when i reach home, i feel obliged to report to you.

but then it'll hit me. that i don't have the chance to anymore.

and yet, when i'm in the room or outside watching tv,

everything feels the same. like you're in the next room,

like how it used to be.

it's only when i'm out, or when i walk past your room,

that i really the emptiness.

i'm fine but i really miss you.

#904

2010-11-24T00:34:00.001+08:00

i don't know what you guys think.

but seriously

i wasnt kidding when i said i'm very tired.

and my feet were really really aching.

no one's fault that all programmes ended up screwed.

just really very very tired. of everything

me inclusive.

kthxbai.

#903

2010-11-21T01:58:00.000+08:00

蕭煌奇-阿嬤的話

#902

2010-11-21T01:43:00.003+08:00

for those who happened to check here.

felt a need to state.

8thnov2010.

my grans left us.

she was peaceful

leaving us lots of memories.

18+ years.

i know she'll be happy. wherever she is.

but still.

i think i'll need a whole lot more time to really get over it.

#901

2010-11-21T01:30:00.002+08:00

i need some form of release.

too many emotions within me.

everyone thinks i'm fine

i guess that's the only thing i can be

do you really think i can get over this?

13 days.

it's been eighteen years.

on a brighter note

a's is ending soon.

i was supposed to camp with you once it ended.

there's no longer a chance.

everyday i come home, wanting to check on you

and then i remembered.

you're no longer here.

i wanted to say i'm going out.

to say i'm back.

i thought that it'll always be like this.

but apparently not.

your absence from this house

is making it empty.

i have to abstain from looking into your room

but it failed. always.

i walked into it today.

i recalled what happened.

how happy we once had been.

memories. they're still around

but,

you're no longer here.

damn big a difference it makes.

ah ma i really really miss you.

these 13 days felt horrible.

but you're no longer here.

no longer around.

#900

2010-11-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

hurts to see her change.

one year ago she was still walking, waking me up for school, asking if i've enough cash, refilling my water bottle.

half a year back, she needed a walking stick. but still she does the same things.

five months back, she's in a wheelchair. but still, she wakes me up, and everything.

three months back, she fell. we got to know about her condition.

two months back, hospitalised twice. even sent to a hospice for a week.

now, she's lying in bed

unable to speak or eat properly.

she's not even able to open her eyes due to the damned medication.

i can no longer garner a response from her.

she no longer speaks.

i know she understands

i know she feels it.

but it's different.

and i got to know a lot more about my family.

the perfect family i have always been so proud of,

suddenly didn't seem as perfect anymore.

gossips, unhappiness.

the family has been polarised.

it has always been there, just that i didn't realise it.

how much more dumb and naive can i get.

2010 is a bad year.

alevels in a few days now.

perfect excuse but no. i'm gonna prove everyone wrong.

i hope i can.

#899

2010-10-28T02:50:00.001+08:00

the lyrics sudddenly seem so true.

#898

2010-10-26T22:32:00.001+08:00

i feel so sick.

twelve more days.

responsibility.

i'm not good enough.

#897

2010-10-22T23:41:00.002+08:00

sense of helplessness

when the person you depended on

betrayed you.

two stories within a week.

to two people close to my heart.

how evil can this world get?

would you still trust,

when you know it's no longer safe to do so?

hopeful or gullible?

#896

2010-10-22T23:27:00.003+08:00

my heart cringed. ):

it's a feeling that is indescribable.

the insecurity

that everyone's facing.

a pain. that no one would understand.

no point talking about it anyway.

focus. focus. focus.

i love academics.

#895

2010-10-22T00:31:00.003+08:00

i miss having the carefree life i had a few years back.

i miss having fun with people.

it's okay endure and it'll be over veryveryvery soon.

and today i finally realised how important communication is

though i kinda cheated my dad

in a sense.

but at least now i don't feel pissed anymore.

hahahaha

i think our family needs to talk more.

seriously.

and speaking of the family

everyday is like a rollercoaster ride.

i'll get so scared when she seems to be motionless

and relieved only when i see she's still breathing.

never thought it can be so scary. really.

okay focus on chem

so maybe i will be able to join chem consult tmr

#894

2010-10-18T22:42:00.003+08:00

i kinda think it's an omen.

somehow, i think she know's what's happening

around her,

to her.

when everything compounds,

stay calm

seek solace

it's getting increasingly difficult to communicate with people,

to talk. to get them to understand.

i think everyone's at their brim.

in a sense,

less tolerance.

i don't know what i want

what i'm gonna do.

in any case

stay positive.

i guess that's the best for now.

#893

2010-10-17T22:08:00.001+08:00

why bother,

why try.

at the end of the day

we're gonna end up the same.

you'll be like me,

i'll be like her.

it's all the same.

#892

2010-10-14T00:13:00.002+08:00

i'm really really really scared.

it's been eighteen years.

and i don't think anyone will be able to understand.

eighteen years.

cant imagine what's gonna happen

what life will be like,

what the house will turn to,

what will become of this family.

why cant people just live forever and ever.

#891

2010-10-13T01:13:00.002+08:00

the past week passed so quickly.

twentysix days will too.

and after forty-one days,

it'll be time to celebrate.

two years of sweat/tears/blood is at stake.

work hard now for the future.

for the liberation and joy we'll get,

forty one days later.

go go power rangers. :]

#890

2010-10-12T20:01:00.001+08:00

27.

#889

2010-10-11T23:33:00.002+08:00

27 days.

scary veryvery much no?

but it's okay.

we'll just do whatever we can for now.

and leave the rest up to whatever/whoever.

jiayou ah all j2 kiddos.

we'll make it

cause there's simply no other way.

#888

2010-10-08T00:19:00.002+08:00

every word was a fatal stab.

&everything has just been made worse by everything else.

if my problems are insignificant,

why does it hurt so badly.

it's okay.

focus on A's.

it's the only thing that's ever gonna matter for these few months

#887

2010-10-06T21:58:00.002+08:00

had a awesome eighteen. :D

&now it's almost time to pull myself back to reality.

#886

2010-10-05T00:24:00.001+08:00

happy eighteen to me! :D

#885

2010-10-03T23:13:00.003+08:00

i'm always the one that can be forgotten

that can be ignored

that can be left aside.

thanks for confirming all these.

i'm still gonna enjoy my eighteenth no matter what.

screw you.

screw this house.

#884

2010-10-03T12:17:00.001+08:00

i thought i could.

but it turned out otherwise.

#883

2010-09-29T21:20:00.002+08:00

getting increasingly difficult to smile

from the heart.

there's too many things weighing us down

and we've all turned so weary.

no amount of sleep is enough.

need to be more positive!

it's even more difficult to cope when we're all so dead.

it's all in the mind. :D

#882

2010-09-24T18:05:00.003+08:00

iceskate rink,23'rd sept 2010

KLP kbox. :D

power packed thursday . :]

#881

2010-09-23T00:33:00.003+08:00

when you're so close to losing something

everything comes back.

every memory.

good or bad,

happy or sad.

and you end up being filled by regrets.

if only i could go back.

i don't know what i can do.

and maybe that's why it hurts so bad.

it's painful. and it hurts so bad.

i can't imagine what will happen

and i don't want to.

but every possibility is running through my mind.

and it intensifies whatever feelings i currently have.

guilt. fear. regret.

never felt so real, never seemed so near.

juinli's scared.

#880

2010-09-22T11:39:00.002+08:00

i'm scared.

having always led a pampered life

this is not something i can deal with.

be safe.

it's scary to finally realise how something has changed

and there's nothing i can do to stop it.

#879

2010-09-18T00:11:00.002+08:00

chem was a horror.

lesson learnt: never to leave out topics

especially seemingly unimportant ones.

ouch.

when you're left to yourself it can be good or bad.

depends on timing though.

i think i need to be quiet when it's noisy

and noisy when it's quiet.

moderation.

#878

2010-09-15T20:51:00.002+08:00

i swear the GC incident this morning frightened the hell outta me.

srsly.

couldn't even think straight. oh well.

i'll flip if i've to do CWO.

gah.

nevermind. it's like that

life's like that

kay back to BIGU UBIN...

#877

2010-09-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

i'm so screwed for prelims.

like seriously.

it's okay.

it's alright

juinli juinli fight fight fight.

i never knew i could be that stressed.

#876

2010-09-05T23:10:00.002+08:00

generally, we don't like to fail.

well but mostly, we don't get what we like.

the higher your hopes, the harder your fall.

dream for the stars so even if you fall, you'll be among the clouds.

there's always many contradicting phrases around.

for every subject, every topic.

but what you believe in depends on you.

we like to believe in what makes us feel better.

no?

for now, i believe that i shouldn't hope too much.

a miracle happened for O's.

what are the chances it'll happen again?

be pragmatic.

so it won't hurt so much.

the happier i seem, the sadder i actually am.

and worried, and scared.

it's scary what the A's turn you into.

#875

2010-08-28T22:25:00.003+08:00

to know/see/ascertain how much you/things have changed,

you should always go back to the same place and do the same things.

then you'll be able to see the difference.

it's like the ceteris paribus assumption you know.

all other things have to be constant in order for you to judge.

and seriously, it really works.

same people same place same activities.

but it feels different every single time.

cause it's different.

the things we've been through makes us feel/act/talk differently.

it may be good, or it may be bad.

but ultimately, it happens.

and we can only accept it. cause we can never go back.

enjoy every single moment. and cherish them.

cause, ultimately, it matters.

a lot.

wow wow weeeeeeeeeee.

#874

2010-08-23T22:47:00.003+08:00

sometimes, blogs are really misleading aren't they?

they don't give a full picture,

they are subjected to the writers' will.

so why do people judge them based on what's on their blogs?

it's just something for us to be accountable to ourselves.

for me, that it.

it's to remind me of what i've thought, felt, and done.

the online world is a scary one.

see why i hesitate to create a FB acc for my mum?

fyi, i don't intend to. :]

#873

2010-08-22T00:35:00.003+08:00

see why it's a love-hate thing with aj?

on a sidenote,

it's getting increasingly difficult though. :/

#872

2010-08-20T00:41:00.001+08:00

dad bought me this.

advanced 18th. LOL.

now, tell me how do i finish using 64gb?

#871

2010-08-17T13:03:00.002+08:00

hello. sometimes you just feel so suffocated

and not feel like doing anything.

but yet, you cant.

actually, in the midst of mugging, many happy things can still happen

simple stuffs like going over's to a friend's place for awesome food

& coffee.

srsly it's the bombzx man. never drunk coffee that nice before.

woohoo. made my day.

but the day is spoilt when i came home.

there's something about my house, that makes it depressing.

maybe it's due to stuffs that's eventually happening,

maybe it's because it's so cluttered.

guilt. it's weighing me down.

hi someone please make me feel better. =/

but it's okay. in the end, we'll all end up in the same place,

with the same fate.

#870

2010-08-17T00:14:00.001+08:00

i really hate it when you wanna do something

but something stops you from doing it.

it feels so fucking helpless.

and it just ruins everything you know?

today was a bad day.

mad bad day.

when everything adds up,

it just gets worse.

a lot worse.

#869

2010-08-14T02:16:00.001+08:00

ice-skating later! :D

mad excited

but i'm aching all over.

&i do know i must study alr

but.

why is it so damn hard to get down to doing it?!

ARGH.

third year in aj?

#868

2010-08-10T23:34:00.003+08:00

as the dates get nearer,

the stress gets higher.

stress is scary.

it lands you in worry

it hinders your sleep

it impedes your study

i've never gotten how could there be optimal stress.

it's scary. way too scary for me to handle.

#867

2010-08-10T00:29:00.001+08:00

been playing so much i think it's unhealthy.

but nevertheless, i still enjoyed the past weeks.

4/5 of hols gone to idk where.

time to get the move on yea.

#866

2010-07-28T23:43:00.002+08:00

A long time ago… people used simply to drop things from time to time. But nowadays we have physicists to inform us of the laws of gravity by which objects fall; philosophers to doubt whether are really any discrete objects to be dropped at all; sociologists to explain how all this dropping is really the consequence of urban pressures; psychologists to suggest that we are really trying to drop our parents; poets to write about how all this dropping is symbolic of death; and critics to argue that it is a sign of the poets’ castration anxiety.

Now dropping can never be the same again. We can never return to the happy garden where we simply walked around dropping things all day without a care in the world.

TERRY EAGLETON - THE SIGNIFICANCE OF Theory

#865

2010-07-26T01:53:00.003+08:00

i swear i almost died when i couldn't sign in to blogger just now.

years of memories.

those who know me should know i try to keep memories.

seriously.

every little thing. hahaha

some, i don't even know why i keep them.

but i don't bear to throw them away.

i alws say to myself,

i'll be glad i kept them ten years down the road.

and indeed, i am.

friends who do everything they can to help each other

are just so ... great.

i wished six years back, i had his courage.

#864

2010-07-21T00:21:00.002+08:00

helloooo. six more weeks.

i think there's something real wrong with my body mechanics.

feeling all dizzy when i open my eyes,

even though i'm seated.

nvm. shan't think too much of it.

econs is really killing me. i feel like redoing the whole essay

but i cant get myself to.

somehow, i'm getting accustomed to handing in slipshod work.

not good. mad bad.

oh wellzxz. i cant wait. for A's to be O-V-E-RRRRRRR

it's my motivation now.

combined with nescafe that enables me to do it.

must be both willing and able to y'know? :]

#863

2010-07-16T17:03:00.002+08:00

don't really exactly like how everything is going.

improvements are of no use if you don't pass.

'with more sustained efforts,juinli will improve'

juinli basically needs a miracle.

actually, i'm really quite fine with aj

it's more of like blaming it cause it's convenient to.

if i had done more myself,

done these earlier,

results may differ.

talk is easy.

#862

2010-07-14T22:49:00.001+08:00

YAH.

I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE PLOX

FML MAX

#861

2010-07-09T00:08:00.002+08:00

this year's NDP theme song.

it has a 'home' feel. but somehow, less of an impact.

still in my opinion, better than 'see the moon and the stars'

#860

2010-07-06T19:16:00.003+08:00

last official day in co.

farewell service was today,

and it officially marks the end of my decade long co-years.

gifts from my junior. :]

was quite surprised, and definitely touched somehow.

haven't been the best senior around, with my weird temperaments and all

but still thanks manzx! :D

juinli shall mug damn hard(her reason for the mug)

and you too shall jiayou for promos and syfs kay. :]

awesome way to end everything.

only sad thing is that mrgoh's leaving for project eureka. o.o

#859

2010-07-04T01:00:00.002+08:00

sometimes it's just overwhelming

but you cant say out your concerns.

so i avoid.

cant make everyone happy anyway.

acting as if everything is okay is worse.

fooling yourself is the hardest.

---------------------------------------

you think you know me?

think again.

#858

2010-07-03T00:09:00.001+08:00

utterly crushed. ):

#857

2010-07-02T22:51:00.002+08:00

i know my results are so gonna suck.

gave up even before almost every paper.

even those i tried mugging for,

the questions came up so screwed.

if all goes well,

i'm gonna redo my mids.

at home lah duh. with notes too.

at least i'll learn?

really have to stop fooling around juinli.

i promise i will be 100% prepared for prelims.

-----------------------------------------------------

eclipse was AWESOME.

so were the 36 girls. like damn comical only.

came home and was stuck in sunplaza due to rain.

at times like this, damn glad for a sis who'll fedex umbrella to me.

somehow, our relations improved a lot over the years. :]

happy to have an elder sister that looks out for me.

and her incessant nagging to make me study.

HAHA.

reason why i'm blogging now cause it's halftime of brazil-netherlands!

sorry to @zoeyneo for ps-ing due to match. LOL.

KAKA IS TOO TEMPTING. :]

#856

2010-07-01T01:44:00.002+08:00

i always thought youth day is on first of july.

oh well.

it's on the first sunday of july.

but anyway,

am glad to have the holiday on mondayyeeee. :]

i wanna go cycle leh.

anyone wanna acc me? :D

will visit the hot springs in sbw one day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

actually, i really hate how screwed i feel at the end of every paper.

like math paper.

i actually dared to go into the examination hall w/o studying.

i really wanna pass something for this mids.

but i guess it's quite out of reach now.

oh well.

bye.

#855

2010-06-30T02:20:00.002+08:00

actually, i suppose all i needed was some positive encouragement.

but ever since we stopped talking,

the positive vibes you gave me stopped.

i suddenly got reminded of something.

but

i don't ever think i'll say it out in the near future.

as with everything else,

takes time.

but indeed, i miss us.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

i give up.

#854

2010-06-22T23:40:00.002+08:00

MYCTs time-table.

mon 0830-1130 GP

tue 1230-1700 ECONS

wed 1300-1600 MATH P1

thurs 0800-1050 CHEM
1300-1600 HIST

fri 0800-0930 MATH P2

seem so little. but yet there's so much to study for.

wooohoo. must stock up on nescafe alr! :D

alright. high time to stick to the timetable which i'm gonna be crafting naoooo.

okay juinli you can do this.

gogo power rangers!

played hard, now work harder! :]

#853

2010-06-22T02:00:00.003+08:00

my current addiction. :D

never been so much of a fan girl before. :]

i should have just opted to retain last year.

#852

2010-06-14T01:17:00.001+08:00

i love that we look so genuinely happy. :D

13'05 commies ftw!

#851

2010-06-13T00:40:00.001+08:00

been spending money like water,

wasting time like idk-what-else-i-waste.

kay

guilty much.

week3 shall be hardcore mug until friday where i go genting.

week four. must mugmugmug.

my dear cousins,

please do NOT jio me for mj anymore.

enjoyable much. but guilty much too.

YAAAAAAAAAAA.

went over to my ganma's to see my couz 1-mth-old baby.

sposed to anw, didn't see nicholas AT ALL.

damn PHAIL.

ahhhhh. mixed feelings.

how now brown cow?

#850

2010-06-11T01:28:00.002+08:00

WENT TO AIRPORT TO STUDAYE TODAYEEE.

was at NLB ytd.

been travelling all around for new places.

T3 really not bad eh. ambience of the macs there is so different.

went to some aviation viewing mall or sth at T2.

and zyn was explaing to me as if i've nvr been on board a plane.

FML. lol!

pink left fingernails, brown right fingernails & blue toenails.

i like!

anw, i think i usually look very chui is it.

cause every time i wear contacts/jeans/non-tshirt-shirt,

my mum would ask where i'm going. -.-

she asked me where i'm going tmr cause i was painting my nails.

i think she thinks too much.

#849

2010-06-10T01:32:00.002+08:00

YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I WANNA FACE SOMEWHERE AND SHOUT OUT LOUD.

while i was sending the email to 36,

for a sec, i wondered if i should.

the competitive side of me appeared.

and i hate myself for feeling that way.

we're all gonna pull through this together.

well. i'm afraid i suppose.

#848

2010-06-02T00:07:00.001+08:00

sometimes you've really got to focus.

on what not to focus.

it's the hols. just started, yet i feel it's ending soon.

scary much? indeed, very very much.

oh well. the power of the education system.

you've no choice.

but it's to empower myself with the choice once i'm done.

#847

2010-05-24T00:56:00.002+08:00

wooooooooohoooooo.

ytd was AWESOME.

love the clique, the sea, the sand, and the sun.

kay. maybe not

cause i'm burnt badly.

and i've rashes at the burnt places.

FML MAX.

tmr damn impt cant not go school. URGH.

neeways, went to aljunied to have lunch with parents.

and then went to zoey's to study.

and she cooked porridge with her wu gui dou. LOL.

went tuition,homed and realised the rashes.

must be cause i spammed two diff. moisturisers.

that's what my mum reckons anyway.

argh. sucks. to be itchy and in pain.and itchy again.

what bad timing. fml.

#846

2010-05-18T00:27:00.002+08:00

aye aye aye.

i've got like one thousand and one things to do.

and i counted. excluding star questions,

history essays have scaled down to 5.

woohoo.

people in the class really make me think and wonder about how i act and behave.

like really reflect and try to change.

positive influences maybe?

and also learning from them.

it's like the first time i really think i need an attitude change.

been feeling many weird emotions lately,

with many weird thoughts in my mind.

and it's just so... weird.

oh wells sounds like a lot more time keeping quiet and just reflecting. :]

______________________________________________________

went k with commie cliquey on sunday.

teehee. nice i like, though i think i kept hogging the mike.

but cause is no one wanna sing lor, at least not with the mike.

the birthday girl was practically singing every song, w/o the mike.

-.-

and, maybe 12 is really too large a group.

it's fun though.

highlight of the day: tw dancing oh!

mad cute. LOL. it's really in sync with the mv,

and i saw the guys dancing along also. hardcore fans. HAHA.

abrupt ending. kthxbai. :]

#845

2010-05-10T00:23:00.003+08:00

Was on the way home when I suddenly realised something. It had been raining, and as usual, the path home was full of the sound of bullfrogs and god knows what. That got me feeling scared for a minute. I walked faster, and then it dawned on me that I could increase the volume of the mp3 player. I did, and instantaneously felt so much better. Well, after blocking out the 'music' that got me terrified in the first place, I was at peace. Literally.

I am just like an ostrich.

By hiding our head in the sand, we pretend that nothing is happening, so that we'll be at ease. Facing the whole mountain of (overdue) homework in front of me, escapism seems to be the best route, so that I won't feel the stress, and I'll be able to sleep in peace. But in the end, nothing gets done and instead, I added more work, more stress on myself.

Oh well, what has been done cannot be undone. Trying to clear the backlog of work, when it is ever increasing is tough. A lesson well learnt, the hard way.

By posting this, at this time, why do I feel as if I am still trying to escape the humongous load in front of me, and perhaps even subconsciously etched in my mind. Tell me why things came to this.

#844

2010-05-08T17:26:00.001+08:00

when things happen, people are so quick to lay blame.

blogger feels like twitter to me. lol.

#843

2010-05-06T22:53:00.002+08:00

i've always been short-tempered.

when faced with attitude,

i'll give it back.

it's not like you don't know me actually.

but sometimes it's really not that hard lor.

even before saying anything, you choose to shoot.

and, i shot back.

more than initial i suppose.

when you're stressed up,

little things like these get to you.

makes you wanna snap.

from people you least expect.

well.

this is just from my pov.

after all,

it's my blog.

i'm sorry but trivial things

are those that have the greatest impact.

cause it's not accounted for.

#842

2010-05-05T23:40:00.001+08:00

idk what i'm doing.

but i seem so void of energy.

i don't feel like doing anything.

kay one last day.

#841

2010-05-05T01:44:00.001+08:00

i'm determined to make up for lost time.

definitely, to stop losing time as well.

#840

2010-05-04T00:59:00.002+08:00

i'm real glad i'm in 36, that i've been in phs.

that i joined ajco.

thanks for the support people.

love you all.

#839

2010-05-02T12:43:00.002+08:00

he'd never been one that's close.

but still it's shocking.

very indeed.

RIP friend.

life is so much more fragile than you'll possibly feel.

#838

2010-04-28T22:30:00.001+08:00

aye fml max.

everytime it happens, i'll think of how it would be otherwise if it was my sis and not me.

parents ought to be impartial don't they?

and this never fail to dull my day.

#837

2010-04-26T04:23:00.001+08:00

i'm so screwed. seriously.

haven't slept a wink.

this says a lot?

i havent even completed one hist essay.

this says a lot too?

aye.

but i'm still a happy juinli.

#836

2010-04-26T01:36:00.004+08:00

love my headphones!

though it ain't a very new model, i still love it! :D

#835

2010-04-26T01:27:00.002+08:00

by and large, juinli is a VERY emotional person.

that gets easily affected.

even when it's people i'm not exactly close to.

oh well,

it's both a blessing as well as a bane.

at least now, seeing these mediacorp people getting their well-deserved awards,

i'm happy.

well.

i'm gonna miss half of co practice tmr.

and i managed this by acting like some total bitch.

that's why actions are louder than words.

i don't care.

cause i know if i don't go.

i'll end up regretting like mad.

and hating co for it too.

no point adding on to my hatred of co eh? lol.

and. aiyah. ajco is just different.

every co is different.

but i just don't feel the attachment to it. and it's weird.

oh wellszx.

I SHOULD STOP MY ESCAPISM AND RETURN TO HIST.

#834

2010-04-25T00:58:00.002+08:00

shopping spreeee today!

spent more than 150.

juinli is damned happy.

not only the spending part,

but cause was with mummy and sis.

and you've no idea how rare that is.

went for 1/2 of seasons.

hahhaa nyco concert lah.

saw chiam and kong, uber long-lost people.

i wonder how i'll be feeling next week.

finale. of decade of co 'career'.

hopefully it ends well!

many smiley faces today. been long since i'm this happy!

#833

2010-04-23T22:49:00.002+08:00

sometimes i totally buaytahan myself.

but to get what you want,

you may have to do sutffs you don't.

HAHA. what an irony?

the power of big eyes,

staring, storming off.

compromise.

HAH. BULLSHIT i say.

i tend to be VERY emotional these days.

maybe i haven't got out of my role as a kiddo.

but in any case.

it's time to get moving yo. :D

all the best ny/phsco! :D